Wednesday's Blog

           All I see are the butterflies and trees everywhere. The fragrant flowers that appear like crayons arouse my soul. I see bees and lilies at the far end, yet I find myself lost in the middle of this majestic scene.

I searched to find a glimpse of someone like me who is fascinated with this unbelievable view.  I found myself seeing nothing more but this paradise surrounding me. I walked until my feet felt pain. Still I find nothing but astonishing things I’ve seen upon finding myself here. I tried to shout, wondering if someone would hear me, but there was no reply. I wonder where I am, and my purpose for being here. Yet for the many questions I have asked, I couldn’t answer even the easiest one.

So I started to reminisce about my life back home. My mom? My dad? Where could they be now? All I know is that I lost dad two years ago. I feel so bad because there are things about us that were left unanswered. Losing him is just like a bomb that suddenly exploded. I tried to search real far, yet, not even a glimpse of my family do I see, nor their voices do I hear; the feeling of longing is just too hard to bear. I paused to listen to the sounds around me but it’s only the buzzing of the bees and wind that I hear.

Where could the sound of the busy streets be? Where is my home?  My family?

I miss my life and my three precious angels, Michael, Angel, and Christian. Christian is my husband, we’ve been together for fourteen years, but got married just six years ago. We got married when I was twenty and he was twenty-two. I was studying for my law proper then, and he for his medical degree. I got pregnant a year after and had Michael, he’ll be turning five soon. His little sister Angela will be turning two next month. How I wish I could greet her and give her our gift. Christian and I bought it last Christmas, because it’s her favorite toy and it was on sale. She would always hold it tight each time we went to the store, but we would always tell her that we would buy it next time. I wonder if they’re doing all right? Does their daddy sing them lullabies at night? Michael couldn’t sleep without hearing my bedtime stories.   His sister, Angel would start crying if I don’t lie down beside her during the night.

Now I wish to hear something other than the sounds that the things here make. I wanted to talk to someone just to ask where I am.

I walked and sat under the shade of an apple tree. I stood up to take an apple and took a bite. My stomach is hurting and I’m hungry, I just don’t remember the last time I ate.

I wonder what time it is. It seems like it never gets dark. I wonder how many hours I’ve been here, because it seems like it’s been years since I’ve started to wander here alone.

I hummed my favorite tune, just to ease the boredom. Suddenly I saw a man walking towards me; I wondered where he’s from. As he was approaching questions rushed through my head.  Could he tell me where we are? Could he show the way back home? As he gets closer, more questions enter my mind. I wish that moment that the overflowing questions I’m having do not prevent my thoughts from being said.

And so I waited for his arrival as I couldn’t wait to ask the things that were in my head. As he drew near he smiled. I gathered up my strength and took a deep breath, and give him a smile in reply.

I said “hi”, and asked him his name. He smiled once more and told me that he can’t tell me his name; he said that I knew who he was.

I felt disheartened but continued to ask him, “Could you please tell me where am I?”

He said, “You are beyond heaven’s door, the one in you stories that you tell Michael about.”

Suddenly I remembered days when we walk at the park after Sunday service. Those times when Michael use to say, “Mommy, you said there’s a garden beyond heaven’s door how could there be a garden up in the sky? Do they have soil there?”

My husband and I would just laugh and tell him, “Honey, you would know when you grow older” and my baby boy would just stare up in the sky as we walk.

I was almost drowning deep in my memories when the words, “Baby, aren’t you happy that you are here?”

Oh no, there’s only one person who calls me baby that way. “Dad, is that you?” I wasn’t sure about what I was feeling, nor of what I asked. The thought passed my mind so quickly, that the words were hastily spoken.

He said, “Yes baby, it’s me. I asked God to be with you.”

I knew it was him and I could never be wrong, because it’s only my father who calls me baby as sweet as that. But why? I simply couldn’t understand what he said.

“I heard you cry the night of my burial, you didn’t want anyone to see, but God and I saw you crying.”

I was surprised to have heard what he just said. I hid so hard the night of his burial, not even my husband saw me crying, but the man I was crying over for, heard and witnessed it.

“Dad, do you love me? I know it’s wrong for me to ask, but I have been asking myself this for two years, I guess I just need to hear the answer.”

“Baby, I love you.”

The way he said it just tore my heart. I have heard him say that before when he was still living but was never sure if he meant it. I never felt this feeling when he tells me that he loves me. But now I actually believe with tears in my eyes.

“Dad, could you tell me that you love me once more? I just missed hearing that, and just thought I’d grab the opportunity while I’m still beside you.”

He paused for a few moments and said it once more, “Baby I love you.”

I stood silent for some time, before I finally asked him how he was able to convince God to allow the two of us to meet in such special place; following with the question of how I got there. 

So my  dad replied, “I didn’t need to convince God to let me be with you”, he said. “He just saw that I love you so much and you love me as well. Don’t you know that on Earth you are now in the hospital and the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with you? God made things like that because he knew that it would not be enough for us to be together in your dreams.

“So I am beyond heaven’s door?”

“Yes baby, you are.”

I couldn’t believe that it’s more than what I tell Michael it is. When I get back I could give a better description of what’s beyond heaven’s door. Just then, the thought of Michael and my family bothered me so much.

“When would I see my kids and husband again? Are they alright? How is mom doing? Would I be able to see them again?” I asked my father worriedly.

“You could go back to them by just closing your eyes, and then you’d find yourself back home, just like magic. So, don’t you want to see them now?”

I stopped, and before I knew it tears were starting to blur my vision. I heard my father bid goodbye as he slowly said, “I LOVE YOU BABY.”

I said goodbye and reminded him that I love him too. And before I knew it, I’m in a four-walled room, with a view of  my husband sleeping on the couch. I held his hand and he looked up with tears in his eyes as he said, “you’re awake… Baby I love you.”

He said the magical words with a tone full of love and longing, just like my father did. I hurriedly replied, “I love you too baby.”

The next morning, I was checked out of the hospital. As I sat on a wheelchair while my husband pushes me, I saw Michael, Angel, and my mom at the hospital lobby. I smiled as they ran to embrace me. My kids kissed me and my mom hugged me really tight. We then all went to the car, and drove home.

On the way home Michael asked me, “Mom, what took you so long? We missed you, where have you been?”

I took a deep breath and replied, “Honey, mommy was beyond heaven’s door.”

My husband and mother gave me anxious looks and before they could even say anything, Michael interrupted and excitedly asked, “So mommy, is it beautiful? What did you find there?”

I kept silent and whispered to myself, “It’s beautiful and full of wonder… For I’ve found the missing piece of me by seeing your grandpa beyond heaven’s door.”


Part II: Theories and Make-up Stories

Love, what is it really? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties”. That’s one way to put it I suppose, but maybe we can all agree that love is one among many other things that has no definite or right definition. All our thoughts and description of love are mere perceptions based on experience or observation. We’ve heard and read a lot on the subject catering it based on different aspects and magnitude, although most materials about love are parallel to one another, there are still those tiny few ones that are unique.

I have read a lot of scriptures with love and other emotions as the subject, but what I am about to share is the shallowest, craziest, and yet my favorite of all for the simplest reason that; its surreal nature and attack on the subject just makes the story so fun to read. A friend of mine introduced me to this story so long ago, I actually had a hard copy of this. However, I have already lost it so I’ve decided to just look it up on the internet. I know this may probably be familiar to others, but I just want to share it here for those who haven’t had the chance to read it. Growing up we all heard tales about different things; myths, legends, theories and some make-up stories. Of course no one will ever have a chance to prove whether or not these stories are true or not. I guess that gives us yet another one of life’s countless mysteries.


When Love Met Madness!

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and vices wandered bored, not knowing what to do. One day, they were all gathered and bored more than even when Ingenious had an idea: Why don’t we play hide and seek? And all of them liked the idea, and immediately the mad Madness shouted: I want to count, I want to count and since no one else was crazy to seek for Madness, Madness leaned on a tree and started to count, 1, 2, 3…And as Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung on the horn of the moon; Treason in a pile of garbage; Fondness curled up between the clouds; Lie said he would hide under a stone but he lied and hid at the bottom of the lake; Passion went to the center of the earth; Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking…. And Madness continued to count, 79,80, 81,82.

All the vices and virtues were already hidden by then, except for Love, whom as undecided as he is, did not know where to hide. And this should not surprise us because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.  Madness was already at 95, 96,97 and just at the moment when he arrived at one hundred, Love jumped into a rosebush and there she hid out. Madness shouted “I’m coming! I’m coming!” and as he turned, the first one he saw was Laziness, thrown to his feet because he didn’t have any energy to hide. Then he saw Tenderness in the horn of the Moon, and Lie at the bottom of the lake, and Passion in the center of the earth… Discovering them one by one, finding all of them but one.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find the last missing one, until Envy, envious for not having been discovered, whispered to Madness: “You are lacking Love, and she is hiding in the rosebush.”  So Madness took a wooden pitchfork, and stabbed at the rosebush, and stabbed and stabbed, till a heartbreaking shout made him stop. And after the shout, Love came out covering her face with her hands, and from between her fingers run two threads of blood out of her eyes. Madness anxious to find Love had taken out Love’s eyes with the pitchfork. “What have I done?, what have I done?” – he shouted.  “I have left you blind! How can I repair it?”;  Love answered, “you can’t restore my eyes, but if you want to do something for me, you could be my guide.”

From that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

Nothing but a stolen piece of heaven

Is all that I could seize,

Relishing a fraction of paradise

To create a momentary reality


Who is at fault I ask,

Could it be he who held me captive?

He who confined me inside a heart

That wasn’t even beating for me?


Should I be blamed,

For being weak and submissive?

Ignoring all the facts,

Pretending they weren’t obtrusive


One cannot be certain with somebody

And declare the same conviction to another

The heart may be big enough for two,

However, three would not fit altogether


What fools we both have been

Two Dreamers trying to defy destiny

Persistence will never be good enough,

Fate wouldn’t change even with drudgery


As I gaped into the sky

I witnessed a beauty so lurid

One that is so magnificent and distant,

Reflecting all but grimness, ironically


A stolen piece of heaven –

Is that all there is for me?

Simply a taste of a better life,

A thud of relief that will leave me wanting


What would be left of me, I ask,

After you’ve enthralled me with your cruelty?

Oh! My stolen piece of heaven, do set me free

I don’t want to remain breathing and living, yet empty








Teach me how to hate

So I’d know what enough is

What’s too much, what’s too degrading

How to say goodbye,

How to start an ending

Make me hate what I love

So I’d learn to distinguish boundaries

I can’t stay forever here,

Just embracing

All the pain you throw at me

I should hate like you do

That way I can say done in a snap

No buts, no explanations, no thinking twice

Just a hand up in the air

And then finally close the door.

Teach me how to hate the way you hate me

So I could hurt you the way I’m hurting

Teach me how to let go and see the morning

You did well at it,

In time, I too shall learn such tricks

A father’s Day Special for the World’s Greatest Dad! Actually this “DAD” is my grandfather, but he’s the one who raised me since my dad disappeared from my mom and I’s lives.  I just want to share this with you people even if it’s a little late for a Father’s Day entry. I originally posted this on Facebook and tagged my grandfather on Father’s Day; and he replied with the simplest of words:

“That was superb My Little Girl! I felt an overwhelming surge of emotions I cant help but be misty eyed. Thanks. Daddy”

So I hope you like it too!

Daddy’s Little Girl

I’d wear your big old boots

And walk dragging them but proud

With a big smile on my face

Even as I trip and stumble down

You’ve come home so many times

Finding writings of crayons on the wall

I knew then you’d be furious –I’d surely be in trouble

But you’d call on me with a hug and a kiss –no scolding at all

Whenever it’s time for my afternoon nap

I’d lie down on your bed

While you sat at your rusting worktable –

Problematic, irritated, all slumped

Even with that, I’d still push my luck

Bothering you to read me some stories,

Sing to me with your great big voice –

Cause honestly daddy, it doesn’t suck at all

You’d look at me with a face all tired

From finishing reports due that same day

My disappointed look and furrowed brow

Would work its charms again just like it had the previous day

So you’d give in and ask me to scoot aside

Read to me while tapping my butt

Sing some lullabies and pray some lines

Then hug and kiss me saying “sleep tight”

Whenever I was faced with some scolding

I’d run for cover behind your back

I’d say “Daddy I didn’t do it” so defensively

You’d shield me saying, “Let her go, she didn’t do such”

But you would still talk to me, not letting me off the hook

Explaining and making sure I understand what I did wrong

Asking me not to do it again, or else…

Your belt buckle would be where the next spanking’s from

But I grew up, eventually holding your hands no more

I wasn’t the same old little girl I was

Much more irritating this time, so reckless

A hard-headed woman; not a girl no more

Daddy still treated me like her little princess though

Holding my hand anytime and anywhere

Leaving sweet lines of limited words like,

“I love you love”, “be safe”, “make me proud”

Thank you daddy, you held on to the likable me

Never letting me grow up in your mind,

Making me stay sweet, thoughtful and lovely

Even just in your memory

I’m glad you stayed this long to see me changing

Not just by nature or age, but with maturity

You were right Dad; I’d always be your baby

Cause the truth is with you, that’s how I want it to be

You never lost hope and love to give me

Even when I wasn’t at my most pleasant being

You always understood, even when you shouldn’t be understanding

Gave away no blame, no boasts, no salting the wound – just patiently waiting

I may have failed to say this for so many times then,

I hope I don’t fail in starting again now

You are the best, no one could be better

Not in this universe, this moment, this time, all hands up I’d take a bow

If there were tests and checklists on fatherhood

I’m sure you’ve aced them by now

But regardless of the case,

With or without awards, recognitions, or crowns

I’d still live and die saying I’ve got the best daddy

My existence and strength, and all those you raised and loved

Is justification enough that you are no fraud;

As a person and our Daddy, you definitely did a great job!









I got this from my cousin’s site a few years back, and even when I read it now it still sends me shivers. It’s a story which I’m not sure if made up or real, I have seen a lot of other postings about already and I’m sure a lot of you have already read it. However, for those who haven’t I really recommend you do because this selection will truly give you something to ponder on. It is about a professor and a student having a discussion about God and Science. Read on to see what happens,  here it goes.


“Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ.” The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

“You’re a Christian, aren’t you, son?”

“Yes sir,” the student says.

“So you believe in God?”


“Is God good?”

“Sure! God’s good.”

“Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?”


“Are you good or evil?”

“The Bible says I’m evil.”

The professor grins knowingly. “Aha! The Bible!” He considers for a moment.

“Here’s one for you. Let’s say there’s a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?”

“Yes sir, I would.”

“So you’re good…!”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“But why not say that? You’d help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn’t.”

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. “He doesn’t, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?”

The student remains silent.

“No, you can’t, can you?” the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

“Let’s start again, young fella Is God good?”

“Er…yes,” the student says.

“Is Satan good?”

The student doesn’t hesitate on this one. “No.”

“Then where does Satan come from?”

The student : “From…God…”

“That’s right. God made Satan, didn’t he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Evil’s everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything, correct?”


“So who created evil?” The professor continued, “If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.”

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: “Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?”

The student: “Yes.”

“So who created them?”

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. “Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

“Tell me,” he continues onto another student. “Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?”

The student’s voice is confident: “Yes, professor, I do.”

The old man stops pacing.. “Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?”

“No sir. I’ve never seen Him”

“Then tell us if you’ve ever heard your Jesus?”

“No, sir, I have not.”

“Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?”

“No, sir, I’m afraid I haven’t.”

“Yet you still believe in him?”


“According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?”

“Nothing,” the student replies. “I only have my faith.”

“Yes, faith,” the professor repeats. “And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.”

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. “Professor, is there such thing as heat?”

“Yes,” the professor replies. “There’s heat.”

“And is there such a thing as cold?”

“Yes, son, there’s cold too.”

“No sir, there isn’t.”

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet.. The student begins to explain.

“You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don’t have anything called ‘cold’. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.”

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

“What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?”

“Yes,” the professor replies without hesitation. “What is night if it isn’t darkness?”

“You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? That’s the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?”

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. ” So what point are you making, young man?”

“Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.”

The professor’s face cannot hide his surprise this time. “Flawed? Can you explain how?”

“You are working on the premise of duality,” the student explains. “You argue that there is life and then there’s death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.”

“Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?”

“If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do”

“Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?”

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

“Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?”

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

“To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.”

The student looks around the room. “Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor’s brain?” The class breaks out into laughter.

“Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor’s brain, felt the professor’s brain, touched or smelled the professor’s brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?”

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. “I guess you’ll have to take them on faith.”

“Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,” the student continues. “Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?”

Now uncertain, the professor responds, “Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.”

To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God.. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.”

Sometimes you don’t need to say too much cause pictures can express it all.

Here are some random shots I’ve taken through the years. Each one unveiling my story.

Pleading Angel


Manila Bay

Bride’s Maid and Bride’s


Deserted Hut

“I believe that pictures doesn’t have to make sense for anyone else than yourself. After all, that’s a captured story from your life. And those who understand your shots are people who wants to share your story too.”


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